California Is SO Gay!
by Figure.10
Summary: Craig goes to California with his best friends, Clyde, Token, and Tweek. Co-written with k3Kyle! /Slash/ Read and review please! -Creek- Please see my profile for some AWESOME fanart! Current Hiatus D:
1. Off to Sactown!

**Author's Notes:** Me and k3Kyle don't own South Park, we're just perverts :D

enjoy!

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The terminal was packed when we finally arrived, and I hoped we wouldn't miss our flight from Denver to Sacramento. Clyde was busying himself with a cinnabon, Token was reading a magazine, Tweek was fumbling with his bags and I, Craig Tucker, was on the phone with my mom.

'Yes, we're at the airport… yeah, mom, we have our tickets,' I mumble the line, 'Urgh, I love you bunches too, mom.'

It's so pathetic. I'm nearly eighteen now and my mom still doesn't think I can travel alone. To my credit though, I'm not alone. Like I said before, the guys are coming with me. This trip is my birthday present from Grandma, the same one that always gets me cool presents. I remember when I turned ten she gave me one hundred dollars to spend on whatever I wanted. Too bad those assholes Cartman, Kyle, Stan and Kenny convinced me to invest it in forming a Peruvian flute band. Double your money in one afternoon, they said.

God, I hate those guys.

'Mm- Craig?'

I turned around to face a blonde boy. There was no need really. I'd know that frantic voice anywhere.

'What, Tweek?'

'Could you loan me five bucks for coffee?' his right eye twitched slightly, 'I promise I'll pay you back.'

I rolled my eyes and handed him a fiver. There's no use getting him all worked up so early in the trip, we've got the actual flying part to go yet. Just then a voice sounds over the intercom, our flight was boarding.

'Oh, God!'

I roll my eyes as Tweek twitches violently and drops his carry-on.

'C'mon guys, let's get going!' Token says enthusiastically.

His enthusiasm has been pissing me off. He has this weird idea that California is really, really cool. I just want to visit the board walk. I like it best when things are nice and boring, even on my birthday.

I follow Token and Clyde to our boarding spot, which just so happens to be on the opposite side of the airport. I cast an occasional glance behind me every few minutes to make sure Tweek is keeping pace. I'm not going to take responsibility if he gets deported to Japan.

He's changed a lot since we were kids. I mean, he's still a paranoid little freak and everything but he's calmed down a bit. He definitely dresses differently; now he's got blue streaks in his milk-blonde hair, arm warmers with little rubber spikes on them and cool shirts that say things like, "Shakespeare thinks your emo poems are lame" but today his shirt has a picture of a cat and it says "Kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day."

His style is pretty cool, but he's not nearly as edgy as I am. I'm the one with the bondage pants and the ear gages. Not to mention my insane hair.

When we reach the long-ass line to board the plane, I hear Token telling Clyde about how nice the weather is in California. I hope he doesn't brown-nose it our entire trip. If he does it's back to South Park.

Tweek is standing next to me, twitching like a freaking maniac. When I said he'd calmed down I wasn't lying. But after living like that for so long it just occurs to him naturally. We've reached the front of the line now and after a frantic search of his pockets Tweek realises he's got his ticket stuffed behind his belt.

I crack up laughing as we find our seats but I come to a horrible still when I realise I'm going to be sitting right next to Tweek for the entire trip. This is going to be a very long ride…

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Our flight departed over half an hour ago. I'm at the point now where I'm just about ready to go kamikaze and jump out the nearest window. I'm being squished up against the sides of my seat and view from up here sucks balls. All I can see is the occasional green patch, buildings and a little bit of snow.

The thing that's really getting up my ass is Tweek. I decided there was nothing I could do about being seated next to him so I just pulled my skirt up and did what I was told. Bad decision. He's been spazzing out so much it feels like he's trying to give me an all-body massage which, by the way, I'm not up for.

I toss down a little more of my fruit punch and look over at Clyde who's passed out on Token's shoulder. He probably would have freaked out and called him queer if he wasn't asleep, too.

Lots of people have turned in now. I haven't though, Tweek's constant twitching and spazzing has made it pretty much impossible. Little old me is probably going to have to wait until he falls asleep.

Just as I'm about to tell Tweek to hurry up and go to bed one of the stewardesses comes by with our blankets. Tweek declines his, with his usual social etiquette.

'No!' he nearly screams as she tries to set the offending grey blanket in his lap, 'I have my own, thanks!'

He proves his point by reaching into the overhead compartment and pulling out a huge-ass quilt with every colour of the rainbow stitched into it. How gay.

She nods and presents me with mine. I take my blanket from her and shoot the pretty Asian woman a sympathetic smile. Some people just don't get Tweek. She smiles and nods again. 'Good night, boys,' she says before winding back through the seats and laying blankets over the sleeping Token and Clyde.

I roll my eyes when I notice Token drape a lazy arm over Clyde's shoulder. I unfold my blanket and lay it over myself uncomfortably. Tweek reclines in his seat and snuggles into his soft quilt. I've got to admit, I'm more than a little jealous. The blanket the airline provided me with is almost see-through and it has bits torn off the end. That fucking sucks, it's freezing cold tonight!

I look over at Tweek and take a deep breathe before opening my mouth, trying desperately not to think of how gay this will seem, 'Um… Tweek?'

Tweek freezes. He pulls at his hair a little and lowers the blanket from his face. Thank God he didn't scream. If he did I'd probably be flipping off a lot of tired, pissed off passengers right now.

'…Yeah?' he cries, with his hands covering his mouth, trying to keep his voice down. His body begins to twitch.

'I know this is probably going to sound really gay,' I groan, 'but can we… you know… share? Like your blanket? The one I got is thin as fuck and it's cold tonight…' my words trail off and I look away. He probably thinks I'm coming onto him now.

Tweek comes to a still and just stares at me, mouth gaping, eyes wide. In a bad attempt at subtlety his hands make their way down to the blanket from his face. His grip on the end tightens as he pulls it closer to his chest.

His cheeks flush a bright rouge and then wordlessly hands me a corner of his ultra-gay quilt. I mouth him a hesitant 'thanks' before grabbing it and pulling it over me. Er… I mean… us.  
I close my eyes and try to get some sleep. I can't seem to calm down though. These fucking airplane seats are so narrow! I can feel Tweek's body heat inches away from me. It's so awkward… we might as well be piled on top of eachother for the use it's doing for us. I was going to put down the arm rest but he's right on top of it…  
Tweek is right next to me!  
Oh shit. I try to think of something else. Something that will take my mind of this totally messed situation. My PS3, Oreos, that picture of Bebe naked that Kenny showed me on his cell phone…  
He's fallen asleep now, his head falls onto my shoulder before I can do anything about it. Goddamn it.

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**Author's Notes:** Please tell me what you think! 3


	2. Airplane Bathroom

_A familiar rap is heard against my bedroom door. 'We goin' to see Star Trek now or what?'_

'_Yeah,' I squeal, a little louder than intended. 'I'm still getting ready, c'mon in though.'_

'_You better not be naked,' he sniggers. The door opens and he steps inside. I pull on my "The Onion" jacket and reach ungainly for the zipper. _

_Oh God. He's wearing that tight shirt with the mesh coffin in the middle… it's my favourite. Several scenarios in my mind have involved him wearing it, actually. _

_Craig walks around my room as if it were his own, with his hands deep in the pockets of his dark blue jeans. His hair is spiked up today, it's so crazy _

_that it's… sort of sexy, in a way. Thankfully, he doesn't notice my open staring and picks up one of my old snow globes from my desk and shakes it _

_violently. His eyes follow the flakes as they glide to the bottom of the globe, when they hit the surface he shakes it again, harder this time. _

'_So this movie is supposed to totally kick ass,' he says conversationally, lying back on my bed. When he's finished with it the globe is put back on my table and his attention turns back to me._

'_Could you hurry it up, Tweek?' he groans, 'Damn, what else do you need?'_

_I grab the aforementioned article and take a seat next to him on the side where his fringe blocks my view from one of his eyes. 'Just shoes.'_

_Craig scoffs and his eyes fall into the back of his head, or at least he moves his head like they do, I can't see properly. 'Oh great, you can't tie those things to save your life!'_

'_These ones are slip-ons.' I tell him softly._

'_Oh.'_

'_Craig?'_

_He turns to face me. I fidget with the chain of my wallet. Oh Jesus, why?_

'_Craig… I… I…'_

_For some reason the words have formed a lump in my throat, and there's so many of them after all these years that I feel like I can hardly breathe._

_A look of humorous anticipation paints itself across his features. Then, a twitch jolts through my body and my eyes seem to meet his as a result. I have to…_

'_I need to t- …to tell you something.'_

_He puts a hand around my shoulder to comfort me and I almost detect a look of surprise when I tremble even more under his gentle touch. I don't remember the last time I saw him be so… caring. I don't get it, sure, but it's definitely making this easier for me._

'_I…' I take a deep breath. What if he wants to beat me up after this? I bet he could win this time._

_His fingers start to rub my back in circular motions. All I want is to be curled up in his arms right now, but I know this is the only way I can ever make that happen._

'_Craig, I love you.'_

_The calming motion of his hand stops and he makes a sound somewhere in between a grunt and a sigh. Then he looks at me straight, the sight of those steel blue eyes to which I've just revealed my deepest secret to makes my skin blanche. Then he smiles, and it's infectious._

'_I love you too, Tweek.'_

_Hearing those words come out of his mouth to me is like an auditory orgasm, and I want him to know exactly how it feels._

_I lean over to give him a kiss, but he holds my head in both hands and runs his tongue over my lips. I gasp as he pulls back, I guess I should have expected as much from Craig… but still._

_His ample lips connect with mine again, and he moves a hand down to my chest. I feel my nipples harden under his impossibly soft touch. His lips part from mine and he nuzzles into the crook of my neck, I feel his arms wrap around me and I wrap mine around him._

'_You're so sexy,' he murmurs against my neck, holding me close enough to feel his racing heartbeat, 'Please let me take you, Tweek.'_

_A moan escapes my lips as he suckles gently on my earlobe. 'Ngghh… Craig… yes.'_

_Craig chuckles to himself quietly when he's finished with my ear, and without missing a beat his hands leave my hips and begin roughly tugging off his leather belt. _

'_Could you hurry it up, Craig?' I joke, mimicking his tone from earlier._

_He nods, with honestly the biggest smirk I've ever seen plastered across his face. _

_Without another word said, he does what I've asked of him. He's never listened to me before like that and it sort of feels… good. After a few agonising moments a loud 'clink' is heard and I know he's finally managed to get it off. When his gaze rises back up he doesn't say anything, but instead pulls me into a heated kiss which I return while grasping at his black, blue streaked hair. I quickly reach for his belt and use it as a lasso as I pull him beside the bed. _

_Craig slips a rough, warm hand under my shirt and slides it over my chest. He begins to suck on my bottom lip and my hips thrust against him of their own accord. He pulls away slightly, staring at my chest for a moment before brushing an eager finger against my nipple again._

'_You like that?' he asks huskily._

'_Nghhh,' is all I can make out, before I drop the leather strap onto the floor. I can tell by the way he's staring at me that he's taking just as much pleasure in this situation than I am. He starts tracing around my nipple lightly, returning my thrusts as he does. _

'_Well do you?' Craig demands, giving me a slight pinch._

'_Ahh, yes… yes Craig… nghh… harder.'_

_He rubs it between his finger tips and closes the space between us with a kiss. I yelp breathlessly, writhing beneath him, clinging onto his shirt and moaning._

'_Ngghhh, mm, yes… _yes… ngghh-_'_

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'Dude!'

Why the fuck was Tweek just humping me, and moaning in his sleep?

'Way to get a wet dream on a plane, dipshit.'

I'm seriously amazed when Tweek doesn't react by twitching or screaming at me, but I'm seriously pissed off when he snatches back his rainbow blanket in a huff and turns over without even acknowledging me. What the fuck?

'Tweek, what the fuck, dude?' I manage to say calmly, 'c'mon, it's cold. I was only joking anyway.'

He doesn't twitch, move, answer, reply, anything. He just lies motionlessly with his blanket wrapped around him, his hair noticeably disheveled from tossing and turning all night.

I sit up and lean over, 'Look, Tweek…'

Still agitated, he edges away from me as far as possible and nestles into his pillow. So he's avoiding me now? I'm just lucky Token and Clyde haven't woken up yet, they'd probably be ripping on me so bad right now, but no, they're still sound asleep, all curled up under their shitty airline blankets.

This time I lean in closer to him and tap him on the shoulder casually. Tweek twitches a little under the blankets and gets up.

'Be right back, bathroom.' He frowns awkwardly, without looking at me.

Why is he…? Oh. Right. The poor guy just had an almost-wet dream and then I go and wake him up. Hell, I'd be pissed at me, too. That explains why he's rushed off to the boy's room all of a sudden.

After he's out of view I grab some of the blanket and roll over to face the window, thoroughly checking it for any 'fluids' before pulling it over myself. I cringe as I try desperately not to think about Tweek in there, beatin' it off.

The door closes behind me and I slump down against it. Why couldn't I have just kept the moans in? I bite my lip. It's because I'm an idiot…

Oh Jesus, I'm about to jack off on a plane. That is just way too much pressure, man. Craig almost saw my… well, my… ah, forget it.

I'm starting to get the shakes, as I slide open the door and lock it hurriedly behind me. The seat is flipped down and I unzip my pants, after my fly is undone I pop out like I'm spring loaded. Well, loaded, at least. I drop my pants to my ankles to let my balls breathe. Being cooped up in there through a dream like that is just too much.

Craig… God, he is so fucking hot… damn, I want him so bad.

I lean over and wet my hands with a splatter of warm water from the tap. I'm shaking so bad now, from both horniness and fear of getting caught. I tear some toilet paper from the roll on the dispenser and place it in my lap. Continuing on from where my dream last left off. I start lazily stroking myself, slowly, and lean back. I can almost smell his skin. Taste his lips. Feel his hands roaming over my body…

'Mmm,' my left hand grips the side of the toilet lid and then roams up to my hard nipples and squeezes the exact same one Craig did in my dream. I gasp, bucking forward and stroking faster.

My grip hardens and I move on to the other nipple, my eyes begin to water as I reach the point of no return.

'Oh-yes… Craig-' I bite down on my lip, hard, as I near the edge, the blood flooding my mouth only exciting me more. I open my mouth and silently gasp as I finally release on to the paper.

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The sunlight stains my eyelids red, and I squeeze them shut and roll over again. I didn't even notice he got back yet, but Tweek is nestled up beside me with a little smile on his face. Well, gettin' off does that to you.

I bring my wrist to eye level and see it's 9:16AM. We'd better land soon, if I knew how lame this flight would be I wouldn't have come at all. Clyde is up though, but he's 'reading' what appears to be a Penthouse, not that I would know.

I look out the window and… 'Holy shit, dude, is that a cow?!'

Tweek springs up next to me from his sleep and stares out the window, rubbing his eyes at the glare of late morning sunlight.

'G-Gah, I think so, Craig.'

Tweek scratched his head and leaned farther toward the window, surveying what I found to be an incredibly inane landscape.

The voice on the intercom announced their arrival at Sacramento International Airport, and I hear Token say "Yesss"

from his seat next to Clyde. I roll my eyes and sit back, glad we're finally here.

I'm glad to get away from it all for a while, just hang with the guys.

Just swim and fuck around like old times, no parents, or school, or sex.

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**Authors' Notes: **Here's the second chapter you've been dying to read! Sorry we took so long, we did most of it yesterday :P

We hope you enjoy the product of our twisted minds! More to come! Oh, and if you have a problem with all the sexual context in this chapter, please beat yourself about the head with a dead wombat. We don't give a fuck about your criticisms. Enjoy!

- love, D&D


	3. We All Reek

Token nearly pushes me off the stairs as we exit the plane. He doesn't seem to realise there's no bikini-clad girls waiting for him at the bottom. I sigh heavily as I navigate my carry-on down the narrow stairway. Tweek is waiting for us at the bottom. He's worried that they've lost his luggage already. Typical!

Tweek's bitch fit is at its end when he notices me on my way down the stairs. There's a distinct smile on his face. I think he's just glad someone can verify that he isn't completely insane.

'Cool it, Twitchy. They've probably put yours up back.'

Seemingly in agreement, Tweek stands back and waits for his bags to come by on the conveyor belt. That was… weird. Since when does he ever listen to me?

Lagging behind us is Clyde, he's too busy ogling at the huge sculptures near the baggage claim area. The sculptures look like giant assorted luggage bags piled on top of each other over in a small, white and gold-lined cart.

When at the bottom of the stairs, I decide to wait for everyone else to get their shit together. I run a hand through my un-spiked hair and wait, glancing over disinterestedly at the baggage claim. My suitcase isn't there yet, I'd know if it was. It is neon green after all.

For lack of anything better to do, I decide to sit down on one of the metal benches in between Token and Tweek. As I sit down I notice he twitches a little and edges away. He just got his bag back and is riffling through the pockets of his wallet for the coffee money I loaned him yesterday.

Tweek sighs and shoves his wallet back into his jean's pocket. 'Ugh…'

Token looks up from a note pad he brought along with him. 'What is it?'

'I think I lost the coffee money Craig loaned me,' he says. I pretend not to notice when both of their eyes flicker in my direction. They probably think I'm going to blow a fuse over a few measly dollars.

'Dude, I don't c-'

Before I can finish my sentence, Clyde pops up from out of the blue and points to a man standing adjacent to the second pillar. 'Hey, you guys, look!'

While everyone stares over at the man by the pillar, he jangles his keys out in front of him and passes me a quizzical glance.

'He's wearing a suit, and he's been staring at us!'

Tweek's caramel-tinged eyes widen as they slowly pan over to the grey-haired man standing by the car, and I almost crack up laughing.

'It's not the mafia, you spaz, it's my grandma's limo driver. He's here to take us to the hotel.'

Tweek mouths an 'oh' and lets go of his luggage, which he was huddling against. A smile of embarrassment forms along his features but before anyone else catches it he wipes it off and sits up, clutching onto the aforementioned bag.

'So… are we going?' he asks.

Token doesn't look impressed, compared to Clyde who's practically frothing at the mouth. Token was probably hoping we'd be walking so we could 'experience the sites first hand'. Sites of what? Yuppies patrolling the city with their take-out salad and Starbucks coffee? Well, he can walk if he wants to but I'm getting in the car.

After a quick up and down glance at everyone I prop myself up from off the bench and grab my bags, 'Yep.'

Everyone makes sure they haven't left anything behind as I walk up to Mister Bond – yeah, that's his name – and give him an awkward high-five. Tweek follows suit, pursued by a stroppy Token, and lastly Clyde who's still in a state of awe.

I don't get his deal. Is it really that hard to believe that my Grandma, the lady who gave us all tickets to California and offered to pay for all of our expenses, to which I mostly turned down, has her own private limousine and driver? Damn.

We all trail behind Mister Bond, even Token, out the glass doors and into the sunlit parking lot in search of Grandma's white limousine. During the search, Tweek groans and calls me over when he realises one of the wheels on his bag has wedged itself into a crack in the sidewalk. I sigh and go back to help him. He's prone to this kind of stuff.

'Thanks…' he mumbles awkwardly, tapping one of his heels against the concrete and I nod, making my hair flip.

He stares down at me while I dislodge the wheel from the pavement, the weird thing though is when I look back up at him he quickly turns his attention elsewhere. His cheeks are flushed again, well, he's probably embarrassed that he had to ask me for help. Token's all pissed off and Clyde honestly doesn't give a fuck about Tweek, so really the only option left was me.

'Okay,' I say without facing him, 'Now yank it about a little.'

He jerks his luggage about, and a few seconds later the wheel comes loose. Tweek smiles in appreciation but doesn't say anything, he just waits for 'further instructions'.

'Come on,' I say a little uncomfortably, turning my back on him while gesturing everyone inside the vehicle. Without missing a beat Clyde interjects, 'Damn straight,' as he hops into the back of the car.

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It's hot as hell outside, and I'm glad to be able to sink into the plush seats of the air-conditioned limo. Judging by the looks on their faces, everyone else seems to agree, except Token who shakes his head, causing a few of his longer dreads to smack Tweek between the eyes. Clyde snickers from the back.

'Damn, dude. You need a fucking hair-cut.'

Clyde smiles at Token, but he simply ignores him and turns to look out the tinted windows.

Mister Bond breaks the silence, 'We're headed to the Hampton Inn, Mr. Tucker,' he drawls in what Clyde seems to find surprising, an American accent.

'Thanks, du-' I catch myself and reply, 'Mr. Bond.'

Clyde snickers obnoxiously from his seat, 'His name is Mr. Bond?' he seems to find this really funny, but the rest of us just roll our eyes at him.

Everyone buckles up their seat-belts and the engine starts. Looking a little more than confused, I scratch my head and look over at Tweek who's rummaging through his suitcase as if his life depended on it.

'Dude?'

'I…'

Everyone peers into his bag as he trails off, and Tweek looks up at me, eyes widened in embarrassment. Token rolls his, again, and turns the other cheek.

'What is it, Tweek, gonna need to borrow some underwear?'

Clyde chuckles to himself, where as Tweek looks like he's on the verge of tears.

'We were gonna go swimming, right?'

'Yeah…' I say, unsure of what he's getting at.

'I forgot my trunks at home!'

Oh, yeah, right. That could be a bit of a problem, see the main reason Tweek wanted to come with us was because I promised him I'd take him to the beach since South Park is usually too cold, he can't swim there. I didn't bring any extras with me though, and no one else is near Tweek's size.

'If we can, we'll get you some new ones in Santa Cruz.'

Tweek just slumps forward and sighs, with his milk-blonde hair covering what I assume are still very unsure eyes. I lean back and spread my knees apart, letting the air conditioner hit that one spot that gets really sweaty when you sit for a long time in the heat. You know? Right behind your…

'Hey Craig, look!'

I turn around and follow Token's finger to a sign out the window which reads, 'Big Spoon Yogurt'.

'What?' I ask, still kind of pissed with his attitude from earlier.

'You think they really serve just fuckin' yogurt there?' he elbows Clyde and they break out laughing.

Damn, my friends are lame.

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Once we arrive, we decide to check into the Hampton Inn. We, or rather, Token, also decide that we should share one room to keep the costs down, and since we're only going to be staying in Sacramento for one night before we head out to Santa Cruz, I agreed. We do need to save up enough money to pay for Tweek's trunks, anyway.

After Grandma's driver ushers us upstairs he goes to book a room on the first floor, while we're on the third. That'll come in handy later when I have my actual birthday 'party'. Since this isn't exactly the first time Mr. Bond and I have met, I wonder if he'll buy us some booze. With Clyde on board that'll be a definite roof-raiser.

Speak of the Devil. Clyde walks up to me and hands me a swipe card with the Hampton Inn logo on it.

'Dude, you reek.' He says, pulling his Bliss N Eso shirt over his nose.

I stare at Clyde in question for a few seconds, before raising the arm holding my duffel-bag and taking a long whiff.

'Yeah…damn, I do.'

Tweek, who's to the left of us, lifts his own arm up and pulls a face and we all laugh. Yeah, so we're all pretty ripe. Token shakes his head at us and pressed the button for the elevator. The silvery doors slide open and we clamber in, along with some fat chick that was already in the lift.

It must really suck to be her. Not only does she weight like three-hundred pounds, but she's crammed into an elevator with four smelly teenage boys. Well, it might not be too bad if she's a lesbian, since Tweek does sort of look like a chick.

The doors finally slide open, and we carry our shit through the hallway, and up to the door of room 302.

I'm surprised the clock in our room shows the time as about one in the afternoon, since I feel as though I'm about to collapse. Flight isn't the way to go if you want a decent night's sleep. I throw my bags at the foot of one of the beds, claiming it as my own, before walking to the bathroom to clean myself up.

Before I even think of un-dressing I kick off my shoes and set them by the door which I've left open a little bit so I can hear if anyone calls me out in case I spend too much time in here. There's limited hot water use in this room so we're all going to have to be quick.

'Dude!' Token groans from the plush-cream sofa by the television, 'shut the door!'

Clyde snickers at Token's tone, and Tweek, who's standing beside my bed, pops the mint lying on my pillow into his mouth. It's probably the closest thing he's had to coffee in hours. That's got to be a new record.

'Oh, sorry,' I reply, flipping my dark bangs in front of my eyes and raising my eyebrows in a lame attempt at sultry, 'I didn't mean to… arouse you.'

Clyde laughs harder and throws me my duffel bag. Tweek who's now sitting on the arm of the chair pulls the mint wrapper out of his mouth and stuffs it into his pocket.

Much to Token's frustration and Clyde's amusement, I chuckle as I set the bag on the counter and shut the door, very slowly. I amble over to the rather small shower and turn on the hot water, then tug my shirt over my soft, unspiked hair. I stare at myself in the mirror, before the room becomes foggy and the mirror steams up. I've got light, pouty lips, navy-blue eyes, lightly tanned skin and, not to sound vain, but some pretty kick-ass hair with the emo bangs and my single blue streak. I actually have to say it out loud.

'Damn, I'm hot.'

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The hot water cascading from the shower-head feels so good on my skin, but I can hear Tweek pounding on the door, demanding entry. Woah, that did not sound right.

'Aw, don't tase me, bro… almost done!'

Before getting out of the shower I give myself a once over and notice some extra soap on my leg, so I wipe it off and rinse out my hair one last time. When I'm sure I'm good and clean I shut off the water and proceed to dry myself off, or should I say, my sexy self.

Roughly five minutes later, when I'm sick of hearing Tweek bang on the door I wrap the towel around my waist and head for the door. Tweek pushes past me with a 'thanks, Craig' and points to where he and Token have set up the Okama 360 to the television before locking the door behind him.

'Can I play, dudes?' I ask Token and Clyde, who by the looks of things have already set up their controllers. Token doesn't turn to face me in his reply, instead, he just tilts his head to the side and waves me off.

'No, dude, that old guy came up like ten minutes ago and said you've gotta meet him out by the limousine with Tweek.'

Clyde decides to put his two cents in this time, 'Yeah, why do you think cappuccino-boy was banging on the door, dumb ass?'

'What?'

Clyde and Token don't answer, so I bang loudly on the door. 'Tweek, get your scrawny ass out of the shower, we're going out.'

No reply, except…

'Wow, Craig,' Clyde interjects, 'Sounds like you know a lot about Tweek's ass.'

'Shutup, asshole.' I growl.

This is already my least-boring birthday ever. What did I expect?

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**Author's Notes: **Here is chapter three! Worth the wait? True, no hot man-sex,

but we think it's a good one anyway. We give cups of Milo and Ovaltine to our

lovely reviewers! --love, D&D


	4. Cake and Tyde?

**Author's Notes:** Chapter 4! OMGWTFLOL!!1!one!!

Please review. We love you. Yes, yes we do. --D&D

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It's my turn to bang on the bathroom door this time, because Tweek's been in there a very OCD-ish amount of time. When I remind him we're going out to get cake… he abruptly shuts off the water.

'No coffee cake!' I add before he can ask when I hear him force back the curtain, 'it's my birthday, so I'm getting' ice-cream cake.'

'Ah, what the fuck man, why?!'

I wheel around to see who had the balls to disagree with my choice of cake, only to find Token bitching at Clyde for something he did in Call of Duty. Whenever we get together to play video games Clyde's always the cheat, especially when it concerns Token, I have to laugh. You'd think Token would have realised by now.

When Tweek's done in the bathroom and comes out, he towels off his hair, he's got the towel I previously used to cover myself wrapped tightly around his waist.

'Oh,' I mumble. He stands at the door a little puzzled, while I walk over to his red vinyl suitcase and pull out a pair of dark jeans and a light green t-shirt and throw them at him.

'Okay, get dressed, nobody's gonna look.'

Tweek who's still really, really uncomfortable with dressing in front of any of us looks over at the Clyde and Token for assurance, which of course they provide. Neither of them wants to be seen as a huge faggy pervert.

Clyde decides to speak first out of the two, 'Dude, don't worry, your dick is definitely the last thing I wanna see,' to which Token adds, 'definitely the last.'

'Uh, okay.'

We all turn around and leave Tweek to…

'Uh, Craig?'

Instinctively, I turn… just a little. I only see some of his hip, but it still freaks me out. I mean, he's one of my oldest friends and all, but still… It's a guy thing, you wouldn't understand.

'Yeah?'

'Could you um, hand me some underwear?'

My face glows red as I answer him in the positive and go back to his suitcase to fetch them. I ignore the snickers from Token and Clyde, and rummage through his gear like a gnome. I grab a pair of blue cotton boxers and throw them over my shoulder, listening intently for a rustling sound, which means Tweek's caught them.

As soon as I hear it, and I'm sure I don't run the risk of seeing more of his skin, I flop down next to Clyde and Token, and watch the latter kick the former's ass. So I don't have to repeat myself, I'll just tell you. Token won.

'All ready, dude.' Tweek tells me.

I jump up and follow Tweek out the door, grabbing my wallet from the television table and stuffing it into my back pocket before heading out.

Tweek's got one of my favorite shirts of his on, it has a double Popsicle on it and says, "Please don't separate us. We share vital organs." Classic.

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As promised, we find the driver waiting for us by the car down the road, he opens the door and ushers us inside the limousine. When he's sure we're both comfortable he hands Tweek a warm cup of Starbucks coffee for the ride, and I swear to God he almost faints.

Mr. Bond grunts to clear his throat as he hops into the front, 'The two boys upstairs suggested I do that, I don't know why, though.'

Mmm, he must be talking about Token and Clyde. That was… awfully nice of them, but then again, they're right – leaving Tweek without his daily fix for this long is his own kind of torture.

Tweek interrupts my thoughts with a cough.

'Well, thanks…um…'

'You can call me Raymond,'

Mister Bond, now also known as Raymond, starts up the limo and we buckle up. Tweek slurps his coffee like a starving child.

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When we feel like we've got everything, we head back and within minutes pull up beside the hotel. We bought an ice-cream cake from Cold Stone Creamery, and four litres of soda. Originally, I only planned on buying two liters, but Tweek insisted that we double up since it's my 'special day'. But I'm pretty sure he just wants his caffeine fix.

On the way to the shops, Raymond mentioned the long drive to Santa Cruz tomorrow, or more accurately, how we most likely wouldn't have any time for food breaks. I decided, (I asked Tweek initially, but he said it was too much pressure) he could help out with the grocery shopping while Tweek and I would buy what we thought we'd need for the party. I even persuaded Tweek into adding water balloons to the cart, telling him they'd be fun to throw at the guys. He nervously laughed and agreed.

Raymond returned to his room leaving Tweek and myself to go back to ours, which was easier said than done, when hauling enough food to feed four teenage boys or one very hungry Clyde.

'Hey, Craig?' Tweek asks once we'd caught our breath in the elevator.

'Yeah, what?'

'Can I talk you- about something kinda important?' he adds hastily.

He sounds a little scared, like, more than usual so I nod.

'Sure buddy, anything.'

What? I'm trying to be supportive here!

Tweek clutches the paper bags he's carrying even tighter, despite the fact that I told him he could set them down until we reach our floor, and takes a deep breath.

'I… Craig, I um-'

The doors to the third floor open. I feel strangely relieved.

'Hey, you can tell me later on tonight, okay?' I tell him, putting down the sodas for a second to give him a sympathetic pat on the back, 'You probably want to get some more caffeine in you first, anyway.'

Tweek laughs and follows me to the door of our room, where I open the door to a sight I hope I never in my life have to see again.

The lights are off. Token and Clyde are shirtless, still wet from their showers which they had enough courtesy to actually take and are sound asleep curled up on the couch. I mean, Kenny's shown me man-porn that's less gay than this.

'Dude, what the fuck?!' – 'Gah!' we say at the same time.

Token and Clyde wake up abruptly at the sound of Tweek's screeching.

'Honestly guys, it's my birthday!'

DDDDDDDDDD~Tweek'sP.O.V~DDDDDDDDDDD

I want to tell him, really, I do. It's just that seeing his expression when he saw Clyde and Token together like that… I just… I just don't know if I should. I don't want him to be mad at me. I'd rather just keep it as a secret than tell him and have him hate me. Craig's been my best friend since we were nine years old!

He ushers me over to the mini-fridge where we pack away the drinks and frozen foods into several small compartments. Some of the food won't fit, but that's fine, we're going to be eating most of it tonight anyway.

While we're packing the groceries away, a sudden thought hits me. I wonder if there's really something going on between those two. Clyde and Token, I mean. It sure seems like it now… None of us would have been the wiser if we didn't walk in on them lying half-naked on the sofa together. Freaky! Luckily, the thought is wiped from my mind when Craig nudges me to get back to work.

It's hard, but I try not to focus too much on Craig's skin against mine as we shove a carton of frozen tacos in last. It's a tight fit, but we manage to squeeze it up back.

Tonight is going to be so weird! I hope he likes the present I bought for him. I don't know. I'm always sucky at buying presents for other people. It's way too much pressure.

Maybe I'll just get wasted on caffeine and see where the night takes me. After all, isn't that what I always do?

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	5. Presents, With a side of Secrets

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Since packing away the food, we've all gathered in our room by the sofas and beds. Token and Clyde seem to be fine now except for the generally awkward silence that ensues when either of them says anything even remotely gay. Tweek seems to have calmed down too. He's actually pretty excited. I am too. I've got a good feeling about tonight.

Right now, I'm bouncing on the edge of my bed in anticipation, watching my friends pull out several boxes that contain my birthday presents from their suitcases. Tweek's been a little on edge. He's worried that he won't have any swimming trunks for the party tonight. I guess I'll have to see if I can borrow a pair off someone, I mean, the people here seem nice enough. There are even a few hot girls around.

I hate it when Token's right…

'Look at the size of Tweek's package!' Clyde says in mock interest, or what sounds like it.

Tweek's face flushes, but only lightly. Thing is, Clyde's right. The box wrapped in shiny blue paper under his arm is huge! It's similar in shape to… damn. I hope it's what I think it is. I could really use a new skateboard, but it could very easily be a keyboard or xylophone. Back in South Park, I once let Kenny borrow my skateboard after _a lot _of convincing and never saw it again.

His excuse is that some crazy psycho bitch stole it while he was grinding on a set of rails. Not likely. Knowing him, he's definitely taxed it!

I'm snapped back to reality when Token sets his bag beside the bed and slumps down beside me. He hands me two small boxes with an uttered, "Happy birthday, dude." Knowing Token, or rather, his budget, I grab both packages eagerly and hastily tear apart the silvery paper. My eyes widen as I stare down into the now open package.

'Damn!'

Tweek and Clyde, who've both pulled up two chairs around me, stare down almost as wide-eyed as me at the black and white box in my now shaking hands.

'A fucking iPhone? Thanks dude!'

I set the box aside and wrap my arms around Token. He laughs and returns the favour.

'Ah, there's one more,' he coos, handing me the smaller package of the two.

Without missing a beat, I rip it open and tears almost come to my eyes. 'Dude!' the guys laugh at my sudden outburst of joy, 'You got me a tough-ass case for it so I won't break it or look like a fucking yuppie!'

Token laughs harder, 'Yep!'

Clyde pushes past Token and shoves his large square box into my lap before I can ask, and sits back down, biting his lip expectantly.

Oh no. Clyde's famous for his little gag gifts and I doubt the fact that it's my 18th birthday will deter him from giving me some kind of blow-up doll. In his defense though, they're usually not all that bad.

Not knowing which side to start with, I slowly lift up the corner of the wrapping paper closest to me.

Tweek pipes up from his spot in the corner of the room, 'Come on. Just open it, Craig!'

He's still blushing, so I'm going to assume he's in on this as well. I rip off the remaining material and move to lift the lid. When the lid's off I'm met with something very, very disturbing.

'Du… dude… not cool.'

Clyde holds onto his stomach and laughs wildly whereas Token and Tweek look unsure of whether to laugh or blush beet-red. I don't blame them either. This is pretty fucked up.

I stare back into the pack and my gifts seem to stare back at me. A vibrating prostate massager, anal lube and a set of bead-things that are obviously supposed to go up your poop chute as well. That's fucking disgusting, but I laugh. I have to. It's either that, or cry. Clyde has that effect on people.

Seemingly content with his gag, he sits back down on the arm of the sofa. I put the box gingerly aside and Tweek hands me his present. He's smiling, so I hope I'm right with my guess. The shiny blue paper seems to be at least three layers thick, and I'm wondering just how many rolls of tape it too him to wrap this bitch. Tweek fidgets nervously, so as his friend I shoot him a reassuring smile. I know he's a perfectionist.

Everyone waits keenly, so I cross my fingers and begin to tear at the wrapping paper. The navy ribbon tied around the present falls loose as I work. Not to sound like an asshole, but Tweek's present is the one I've been the most intent on opening. Not that the other gifts weren't good though. I mean, who knows when I'll need that vibrating prostate massager next?

Probably never, actually…

I feel something wheel-like on my thigh as I turn the box around. The cardboard is so thin, I've reached the last layer now. I finally get the fucker open, and low and behold, it's a skateboard! It's black with a kick-ass bird holding a bleeding heart in its talons. I've never seen one like it.

'Thanks Tweek, this is awesome!' I say, as I pull him into a tight hug. He squeals a little before returning the gesture.

Just then, I remember what Tweek said to me in the elevator. This skateboard is the perfect cover for talking with him alone.

'Hey dude, wanna go outside and skate around a bit?'

Tweek grins at this, 'Sure,' he grabs his green and white striped skateboard from his luggage and follows me out the door.

'Where you two goin?' Clyde asks.

'Skatin' bitch!'

Tweek giggles as I lead him down the hall. He halts suddenly, and looks over at me, confused.

'Why didn't you ask Token and Clyde to come?'

I can't believe he's forgotten.

'You said you wanted to talk to me, remember?' I watch his eyes widen, and playfully punch him on the arm, 'Well, I thought you could tell me before the party.'

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Oh Jesus. I can't tell him anything now! What if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore? I saw the way he freaked over Clyde and Token, and now me?! This is way too much pressure. More pressure than I expected, and I expected it to be awful.

I smile back at him, and try desperately not to blush. At least I get to watch him skate…

He flips his hair out of his eyes as he pushes the elevator button. I try not to think about how the shirt he's wearing gives me a great look at his arms. I keep my eyes on the floor as we enter the elevator, starting at the multi-coloured carpet as if it's as interesting as him.

But nothing is.

Oh, God. This is so scary.

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The patio outside is pretty hectic, it's full of people now and there's a group of kids by the soda machines that are blocking our way to the gate, which we need to get through since these fuckers don't allow skating out here.

I notice Tweek looking on edge. I don't blame him. Damn, can anyone in California dress normally? Then again, I'm one to talk. Today I've got a shirt on with a big mesh coffin on the front.

I walk up to what I assume is a rather tall midget with white-blonde hair. Okay, he's not really a midget. I mean, his arms look proportionate and everything, he's just very short.

'Hey, could you move for us please?'

A girl standing next to him with a green mini-skirt and a headband covered in a medley of buttons looks at me warily and moves closer to the short boy.

'Why are you flipping us off?'

'Oh,' I answer, looking down at my middle finger, 'Sorry 'bout that, force of habit.'

The short boy grins and pulls the girl with the clothes that make my eyes bleed to the side and lets us through.

We walk by those weird kids and out into the parking lot. Tweek slumps down on the curb of a patch of grass and looks up at me through his hair, skateboard leaning up against him.

'So what is it you wanted to tell me?' I ask a very nervous looking Tweek, coasting back and forth in front of him, 'It sounded important.'

He's shaking pretty bad now. This looks serious. I stop right infront of him and flip the skateboard into my hands. I fail and it lands on the grass just beside Tweek, making him scream like a girl.

I try not to laugh as I sit down on my knees in front of him, and lay my hand on his shoulder.

'C'mon, just say it,' I groan. He looks up at me like he's about to cry, so I kneel down infront of him, 'I promise I won't tell anybody.'

He bites his lip as though he's weighing up the pros and cons of telling me what's on his mind. Tweek reaches for the skateboard next to him and places it in his lap. He does this so he can spin the wheels with his finger. I think it's meant to calm him down. Whether it works or not, I have no idea.

So we sit here, and minutes of silence pass by. Still not getting an answer of any sort, I decide to press further.

'You're gonna tell me eventually,' I begin, Better you do now than later, in my opinion.'

He seems as though he's genuinely considering this, and opens his mouth to say something back, when we spot those weird kids from earlier pass through the gate. They notice us sitting down on our small patch of grass and continue on.

'Tell me.' I say, getting back to the point.

He breathes a rueful sigh as his eyes momentarily pan over me.

'You promise you won't hate me if I tell you?' he asks.

'Craig…' he turns red and spins the wheel faster, staring at his shoelace, 'I think I might…'

Tweek talks softly into the blue fabric of his shirt, 'I might be… kinda, gay.'

Woah.

Tweek is gay?

Seriously?

But… we watched McGyver. My dad says you can't be gay if you watch McGyver!

'It's okay, Tweek,' I give him the most awkward hug in the history of the universe and he slumps his head on my shoulder.

'Really?'

'Yeah.'

My brain feels like it's been through a washing machine with an angry chicken while being electrocuted, but I try to act calm.

My cell phone vibrates against Tweek's thigh and he nearly has a heart attack.

'Hello?!'

'Dude, get your ass over here, or we're havin' your fucking party whether you're here or not!'

Clyde.

Typical Clyde.

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**Author's Notes: **WE'RE FRESHER THAN A MINGER ON ICE!!! This chapter is dedicated to the awesome _Especially Kenny _also known on Deviant Art as _Miss-McCormick_! If you want to see the sexy Tweek she drew for us then check Daisy's (Figure.10's) profile

Please review!- love, D&D


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